Jesus to Return, Experts Say

Last Sunday I read in an article in the Oakland Tribune that Jesus is on his way back, very soon, and that this time it's the real thing. It wasn't actually an article but an ad designed to look like editorial copy. The Tribune also runs articles in the Auto Section that are just press releases from the car manufacturers, but that's a little different. It wasn't the first time I had heard about the prophesies in the bible, of course, but I read the article anyway to see if there was anything new.

Floods, typhoons, tsunamis, earthquakes, mudslides, high winds, tornados, famines, locusts, boils, misery, and starvation, are all conditions for Jesus's return, as set out in the Book of Revelations. Okay, we're one for one. The tsunami that just hit Asia made the six consecutive hurricanes in Florida look like spa treatments. Don't forget LA where a few inches of rain hurled the city into panic and confusion. And it's always weird when the hillsides start sliding down.

That's one Jesus can check off his checklist. But does it count if the bad weather is all being caused by a slight rise in temperature due to all the machines and aerosols we developed while he was away? The bible doesn't say, apparently. What it does say quite specifically is that there are some seven or eight other important conditions that MUST happen to signal that it's a good time for a Jesus appearance?

This a Troubletown blog not a religious blog, but as this is a developing story, I will endeavor to comment on it as it progresses.