Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Must Read: Man, This is Scary

Bush to Journalist, "I'm a Nukular War President."
(September 11, 2007) Journalist Leonard Purvis, of the conservative daily, DC Scoop, made over 2000 requests for a one-on-one interview with president Bush, but it wasn't until publication of his August feature "A Messiah named George, the Strategy from God to Save America," that the White House began returning his calls. After titling his upcoming book, "George Bush Greatest Leader Ever Since Jesus," Purvis was given exclusive access to the president for eight hours of interviews in the cozy Woodrow Wilson room at the White House, to discuss his presidency and legacy. It was during this interview, excerpted below, that Bush let slip his intention to use nuclear weapons against Iran...

Purvis: I overheard you a moment ago speaking with someone on the telephone about nuclear weapons and Iran. Were you referring to––

Bush: Nah, I was talking about dukes. I said, 'put up yer dukes, Iran!' That's all I was saying. Didn't your mama teach you not to listen in on other people's phone conversations?

Purvis: I couldn't help it. I'm sure I heard you say, "nukular," in that way you always say it.

Nah, I was just asking my Air Force commander about his "nukular family." Like "how's your nukular family doin?" sorta thing. That's what you heard.

Purvis: Would you comment on the Air Force flight that accidentally carried six nuclear warheads to Barksdale Air Force base in Louisiana?

Bush: Yeah, I heard about it. Look, when you've got a lot of bombs, it's easy for the nukulars to get mixed in with the conventionals and the like. America has a lot of bombs. I was just telling my Air Force commander that he was doing a heckuva job catching the mistake and to keep up the good work.

Purvis: Isn't Barksdale Air Force base the staging area for shipments of munitions to the Middle East? Was it just by coincidence that the nuclear bombs were flown there? You aren't planning a nuclear strike in the Middle East are you, like maybe against Iran?

Bush: Okay, okay, since yer gonna write about it you might as well get it right. Six years into a 'ministration, a president kinda gets to thinkin,' who am I like? Am I like Taft, or Eisenhower, or maybe Fillmore, or more like Truman? What are the historians gonna say? Sometimes when I'm self-pityin' myself I think they might not remember me at all (laughs uncomfortably.) When my daddy was president, he missed his chance to get Saddam. Not me. I got Saddam. My daddy had chances to do things but he didn't take them. I'm not going to miss my chances. And one of the things I've always wanted to do was blow off a nukular. Ka-Pow! Know what I mean? Haven't you?

Purvis: A nuclear bomb? Are you serious?

Bush: Yeah, big ol' nukular shroom cloud going up over Tehran. Wouldn't that be cool? Point is, I've got the vision and political capital to do it.

Purvis: Have you considered the worldwide ramifications that nuking Iran may have? Have you, for example, discussed your intention with Vladimir Putin of Russia or the leaders of China?

Bush: Lee, I'm the President of the United States, I don't have to talk to anybody. Listen, presidents nukularize things. Putin understands that. And I 'preciate Putin. We 'preciate each other. He'll be cool with it. My mom used to say I was the runt of the litter (laughts). I'm gonna be remembered for blowing up the terrrists with the biggest bomb that anybody's ever seen.

Purvis: Do you see yourself as a nuclear president?

Bush: Nobody wants to be seen as a nukular holocauster, Lee, but I'm a nukular war president! I didn't ask for September the eleventh. I didn't ask the Qaedas in Iran and Saddam and Mahabinabagamajad and those crullers to attack us on that faithful day, they're the ones who––

Purvis: Crullers? Do you mean Mullahs? Iranian Mullahs?

Bush: Mullahs. That's what I said. Point is, I'm listening to my Air Force commanders on the ground, the ones that tell me what I like, and I won't take em off the table.

Purvis: Some have criticized your planning for the occupation in Iraq. Have you made any plans for the aftermath of nuclear attack? A cloud of radioactive dust engulfing the entire region, probably including Israel?

Bush: Huh? Well, I don't think it's gonna be that bad, Lee. Christine Todd Whitman and Rudy Giuliani assure me that the air at ground zero will be safe to breathe, and the oil will be sittin' there right on top.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Insightful and inciteful. As usual,
the rhetoric is brilliantly recreated by one of my favorite sequential cartoonists.

Recently, Art Spiegelman, author of
MAUS and pundit of cartoon history and the drawn word, remarked that this administration's policy is a slippery slope to which can only be described as sinister at this point. I think you make this point abundantly clear in your cartoons.
Keep on truckin'

How say you, Senor Lloyd?

9:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

damn it. wow.

3:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dang it AINT even all that serious man and yall know that on here cursing like yall own some around here shittttttttttt.... I suggest there b no president this year and just leave taxes @ 3 damn cents get da peple out of war change gas to 1.99 cents and lower food prices and we will be alright and evry thang else stay the same and also better healthcare

2:51 PM  

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