Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Dangle Career Makeover, Part 1

I've been exploring mid-life career changes a lot lately; today I'm considering tattoo artist. Nobody looks at art on paper anymore, but everybody has skin and they want it tattooed! Businesses are drying up everywhere around my town, but tattoo parlors are on the increase. I don't know if you even call them "tattoo parlors" anymore, they are so cool. They're more like tattoo emporiums. It seems like every vacant storefront has someone hanging out a new skull shingle. Am I right to assume there's a shortage of needlers?...
Con: ass-kickings

Looking at the pros and cons of this career change:

There appears to be no shortage of willing skin
With the obesity epidemic, actual human surface area is increasing
It would increase my popularity with the youth of today
It's a "helping" profession
It would mean less isolation for me
It offers the ability to cause real physical pain to people who probably deserve it
Employee discounts on facial jewelry and scrotum rings
More punk girls in my life, which have been missing since my youth
I'll be doing creative work, my work

No do-overs
Will have to learn how to puncture the epidermis with a motorized sewing machine needle
Mistakes will result in ass-kickings by boyfriends
Ass-kicking related stress would be constant
Having to please teenage fashion victims
Proximity to the fashion-conscious generally
Having to face angry parents of tattooed under-agers
Ii might be forced occasionally to draw "pretty"
May have to get my scrotum pierced for acceptance
But what if tattoos are just be the latest economic bubble?

Hmmm...If I decide to move forward on this career move I will need all the help I can get from my online community, so I am reaching out. In no particular order, who can help me break into the business? Where can I get trained running one of those puncture-needle things? Is there a mortuary college or medical school that teaches techniques? Are there certain tips for preparing for a tattoo shop interview? What should I wear? Important: I will need easy-going volunteers with blank areas of skin to let me practice on. I look forward to hearing from you.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're sweaty, we're off to a good start.

10:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm IN, Lloyd. You'd be my first tattoo and I trust you!

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so with Dyana. I don't care if you draw a lopsided elephant scrotum on me, it would be an honor.

And it would be my first, as well.

11:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could double your money by simultaneously opening a tattoo removal service.

10:59 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

As a tattoo artist for almost 30 years, it sucks! Too many are jumping on the band-wagon and in my area, near NY, you won't make it rich - no where near. If you want to tattoo, call the local shops and get an apprenticeship because it is almost impossible to learn on your own.

10:15 AM  

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