Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Guest Editorial: Why They Call Me Baggie

Here at Troubletown we often give opposing viewpoints an opportunity to air their perspectives. This is a guest editorial by T.E. "Baggie" Daniels:

Why They Call Me Baggie

by T.E. “Baggie” Daniels

I’m crappin’ mad! I’m a white man and I’ve worked all my life. The ice cream company where I lifted thousand pound tubs of vanilla (the only flavor they had) didn’t pay me a penny in “compensation” when I had my herniated scrotum. No, goddamn it, and I didn’t expect it. I still have pain in my balls. Other than that three weeks I was laid up I’ve worked every day of my life. Every penny I’ve earned I made. I’ve never had a special privilege or advantage.

I’m crappin’ mad with all this “spread the wealth” here, “spread the wealth” there that this Muslim socialist president espouses in every single speech while never mentioning the word, “terrorism.” Even though my taxes actually went down, he’s a tax tax tax and spend communist liberal, and my money is going straight into the hands of the poor, who undoubtably deserve to be impoverished because of their general laziness and lack of individual zeal. When are the goon squads going to come to take some of my money and give it to Acorn? I expect any day. But I’ll be ready. I’ll go out in a blaze of gunfire before I live under socialism.

I’m crappin’ mad that I have to help “keep people in their homes.” People who can’t make their mortgage payments are scum. If they didn’t want to be taken advantage of by so-called “predatory lenders” they should’ve refused the enticing and exotic loans. I’ve owned my quonset hut outright since 1972. I’ve watched the mcmansions go up all around and now whenever a foreclosure sign goes up in front of one I laugh. At night I sit on a rock in front of my house with a shotgun since most of my neighbors are now pushing shopping carts up and down the street desperate to feed their families. I love the so-called “widening gap.”

And since when do “poor people” have air-conditioning, plasma TV’s, nice cars, girlfriends with lots of expensive jewelry, pit bulls with diamond collars? Poor people should look like the victims of the dust bowl, not like pimps and millionaires the way they do in Mr. Socialist’s America.

I’m crappin’ mad at the socialized government takeover of health care. Stalin, Hitler, Mao, Jeremiah Wright, Bill Ayers, and Hugo Chavez couldn’t have come up with a better plan. I’m not fooled by “the details,” that make it look like the insurance-run system will go on with only minor changes, it’s the slippery slope to Hitler and communism. Thank god I’m going on Medicare in two years so that I can have my hemorrhoids removed and won’t have to live in a socialist system.

I’m crappin’ mad at Muslims. They chop the heads off Christians for fun. Let’s take their oil.

I’m crappin’ mad with the negroes. Since when do white people have to take back seat to negroes who get every advantage imaginable in every conceivable aspect of life and still screw it up? Whenever a negro gets murdered by police around here it’s “candlelight vigil” this, “candlelight vigil” that. When it happens to white people what do you call it? Waco, Texas, and everybody enjoys it as if it was a Mardi Gras party. Wake up people, they’re coming for your guns.

Mr. Muslim is supposed to be a “post racial” president but how can he be when he turns half of government over to Acorn to manage all the special perks for minorities and forcing us to celebrate government set-asides, special “African-American only” contracts and swimming pools, and the violent ghetto culture, also known as Martin Luther King day? I would be happy to have a negro president if it was someone awesome like Clarence Thomas. He’s sensible and distrusts the negro race probably even more than I do.

I’m crappin’ mad at left-wing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros, Sean Penn, Susan Sarandon and the Muslim president, who want to “fix America’s problems.” Just because the Democrat party beat the hell out of us in the last election they think they have a right to pass laws that the minority (the good people) don’t like. George W. Bush fixed America’s problems the right way, by giving lots of tax breaks to the wisdom of the free market. Everybody liked it or else they could just shut up because they were stupid anyway.

I’m crappin’ mad at the lamestream media who taunted and abused Sarah Palin without mercy, and called Dick Cheney “Darth Vader” every chance they got, and made George Bush look like an idiot for just doing a good job keeping this country terrorist-free. Gore can suck an egg as far as I’m concerned, all’s fair in Florida. I’m tired of the media saying everything was bad about Bush but everything is wonderful with the Muslim president who won’t even show his birth certificate. And why did Kerry get a free ride on showing his military records but every one of Bush’s lucky placements (he didn’t ask for special treatment) were harped on about endlessly?

I’m crappin’ mad about tolerance. Everybody is talking about tolerance like it’s a good thing. Are we supposed to be “tolerant” of Hugo Chavez? What about Achmadinejad? What about gays who want to ruin the natural law of marriage?

I’m crappin mad about climate change and evolution. Both are unproven theories that we aren’t even allowed to question or we’re called “apologists,” “deniers,” and “knuckle draggers.” Gore’s house is so big he has six giant ballrooms, he keeps the windows open all winter with the heat on, and a swimming pool he keeps heated to 106 degrees. Al Gore doesn’t have a carbon footprint, he has a carbon ASS print, and it’s huge. I hate Al Gore.

I’m crappin’ mad about cool people harassing me and making fun of me for not trying marijuana. I’m mad about medical marijuana, although it might help my restless leg sydrome. Did I mention that Al Gore uses a thousand light bulbs a day because he has special lamps?

I’m crappin’ mad about illegal aliens being called "undocumented workers," especially ones who aren’t digging sewer trenches and cleaning toilets, but are instead driving Cadillac low-riders with funny hydraulic systems and big speakers that they got from welfare and government assistance.

Yeah, I’m crappin’ mad about a lot of things and I don’t like the direction things are going in this once-great (under Bush) nation. Thank god for Sarah Palin who will, I’m convinced, lead us out of this Armageddon with her good looks and intelligence. Michelle Bachman too. She’s a looker. In the meantime, call me Baggie. I’ll be the one with the biggest sign and the lawn chair. Remember, don’t come in my yard. I’m locked and loaded!


Blogger Strepsiades said...

Hell YEAH! I'm crappin' mad too! It's UNCONSTITUTIONAL to have to pay taxes. So I'm not gonna pay them any more. If you want "services" pay for 'em yourself! Course, it'll be tough. I'll hafta stay off the Interstates (fed $$) stay out of airports (heavily subsidized) divest myself of police protection and turn firemen away if my house burns. Can't send the kids to no public school either, I guess. Can't sue anyone, or hire a lawyer for anything, cause I'd have to use the court system, and that's rotten with tax $$$. Gotta go to restaurants n food stores that don't get health inspected, and buy meat off the street, can't use the toilet cause the sewers are all maintained with those lousy tax dollars, can't run the faucet, can't take a bus or the metro, can't...

5:22 AM  

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