This Week's Dose of Dangle

I was asked to emcee a roast of the crazy-child beat poet Clive Matson who was turning seventy. I went there in my tuxedo with a bunch of crass jokes I’d written about Clive, how old he is, how much he loves rocks (he’s a mineral collector), how he’s the poet laureate of Viagra, etc. But when I got there I discovered it was not a roast at all but a poetry reading. I also discovered that they had asked two people to emcee, me and another guy. I guess they wanted a backup. We each tried to pawn the job off on the other, but it was decided that because I had the tux I would emcee, and he would come on a couple times to say some clever stuff. Every single person in the room signed up for a chance to read a poem or two. Folks read heartfelt verses for hours. My jokes did not fit the mood and went over like lead balloons. To make matters worse, the woman who made the list had bad handwriting, so I mispronounced every single poet’s name. And it was a tight-knit group so they all knew each others names. It was the kind of experience that just makes one stronger.

I went to LA twice last week to graphically record lectures and discussions for science and medical departments at USC. Heady stuff about neurology, engineering, and spatial science. This weekend I recorded two days at Sex::tech, a conference for people who educate teens about sex. I drew pictures of condoms and pregnant girls. When I did the medical school gig they sent a driver to pick me up at the airport. A chauffeur. I came down the escalator and there was a guy standing with a sign that said, “Doctor Dangle.” In Albuquerque the rental car place gave me a brand new silver Mustang by mistake. The cockpit is so low and the hood so high on those things you can’t see the road at all--and I’m pretty tall. I was driving to the gig and I got pulled over in Corrales for doing 20 in a 15 mile per hour zone. He let me off with a verbal.


I get paid to do this

I’m retiring Troubletown, as everybody knows by now, and I've been getting a lot of kind notes. Thanks for your comments! None of the haters are emailing me thanking me for quitting though. I think they’re secretly going to miss me. Here’s the type of love letter I’m going to miss about this week's cartoon from amateur psychologist and over-user of quotation marks, Kevin H.

Maybe the president you so adored only two years ago isn't doing what you think is "correct" now is because that now that he is in charge, he "gets" things that you obviously don't, and never will.  Its so easy to blast the guy in charge, until suddenly you are the guy in charge.  Then its funny how things change.  Imagine that.  Maybe its because he has to consider both sides of the equation when for years you only considered your side?  Hell, did you ever spend 10 seconds even trying to understand the rationale of the otherside?  I doubt it.
 
Its easy to be a critic when you are not in charge - but when were YOU ever "in charge"?  I am laughing.  Give me any bullshit answer you want - I know the real answer is "never".
 
Don't worry.... your views couldn't possibly be wrong.  Keep believing that.  And keep drinking the coolaide.  George Soros loves puppets - who knows, if you kiss his backside enough, maybe he will give you a subsidy! 
 
Isn't America wonderful?  You can make money off spreading bullshit!  You of all people should know.
 
Just out of curiosity - are you an only-child rebelling from your rich parents?  You certainly act that way.

Hmmm, some interesting projection there. Pissing off dudes like Kevin is what I live for, so it will be tough. But I'll find a way to live without it.